The San Jose Batwings have just finished rampaging through the
Silicon Valley Fantasy Football League Playoffs. In the championship
game they stomped, beat and pummeled the defenseless Newport Beaver
Dogs. As the last second ticked off the clock, Coach Marlatt was
lifted on his player's shoulders, raised his arms in victory and
was promptly served a Bacardi and Diet Coke.
Batwings dominated the regular season, marching into the playoffs
with an eight game winning streak. Coach Marlatt immediately attacked
the Petaluma BlacknWhiteCows, leaving them milked and butchered.
Next, the Batwings jumped to a 60 point lead on the Newport Beaver
Dogs and cruised to the championship. Afterwards, the winning
coach had a few words.
Marlatt "We drafted well and picked up a few key free agents.
I am just proud of all my boys. They all worked hard and never
gave up. When we had a team down, we continued to kick them over
and over until they couldn't get up. This team should win for
years. We are going to celebrate tonite! After the hookers and
donkeys leave, myself and a few of the cuter players are going
to head down to the Rainbow Room for a really good time!"
Coach Balck's Beaver Dogs battled but never really competed with
the Batwings. Balck walked off beaten, blond locks fallen on his
shoulders and shoes. He looked distressed. "After jumping
to a quick start this year, I figured the championship was in
the bag. I am truly disappointed, we got crushed" The fallen
coach walks off with a tear in his eye. As he walks he sticks
his thumb in his mouth and begins to whimper.
the third place game, the BlacknWhite Cows proved that the Flyers
were completely overrated as everyone expected. Coach Azevedo
stood proud after the game, milk and cheese in hand, "That
Flyer team was poor. I am so happy that the Cows improved this
year and I didn't get stuck with that crappy 4th place prize money.
Let's be honest, if I had lost that game I would have heard the
'Lost to Midget' comments throughout the offseason. Enjoy the
$0 Owen!!!" Coach Fighter scratched his belly with a perplexed
look on his face "I thaught my teem was good enuff to compete
but we wer jus a farce. thay gawt no hart. I am cuttin all of
tham and startin from skratch next yeer. Is that beef??"
Champions win something!!! Pederson to receive prize money!
Miracles happen!!! Sigma Chis celebrate with a parade through
the streets of San Francisco! Andy Pederson has beaten all odds
and finally won some $$ in Balck's Fantasy Games. In the 5th place
game, Coach Pederson's San Francisco Champions squeezed by the
starstruck Savannah Sand Gnats. After the game Coach Pederson
met with the press, "Well, who would have thought!!!! My
Champions improved throughout the year and we are quite satisfied
with our 5th place victory. We feel that with our core group we
can challenge for the title next year. I just heard that I won
some prize money for my 5th place finish. Do I get a check or
is it cash? How do I cash a winner's check?" The Sand Gnats
showed up but were obviously star struck by playing in a game
that meant something. After playing for 8th and 9th place in earlier
years, Coach Chronert's team was confused when the were told that
they would be playing for 5th place. After the game, Coach Chronert
missed the press conference, he heard that free drinks were being
served on the Lido Deck.
be honest, not to many people care about 7th, 8th, 9th or 10th
place. Eric Marlatt's Starfish grabbed 7th place but were by far
the most disappointing and underachieving team in the league this
year. The Attack stumbled to 8th place and it may get worse. It
looks like the franchise may be claiming bankruptcy and will be
bought out by an software programmer in Irvine, CA. Pardi's Pears
were the worst team in the league but somehow grabbed the 9th
spot by edging the second worst team, the Denver Falcons. Both
teams suck. Both Coaches may be fired. And Both teams will start
from scratch next year.
I hope everyone had fun this year. ESPN does a great job with
our league, I don't think it could get much better. Let me know
if you will be playing next year, who your Franchise Players are
and if you have any suggestions / comments. Have a good off-season!