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EL STINKO PICKEROS!
 
The Good The Bad $$$ Final Standings
 
January 4, 2000
Associated Press

While Phil Malamatenios ran off with the Balck's Pigskin Pickem Championship, others sat back in the pitiful part of the pool. While Jason 'Thank God Kathleen Said Yes' DeFrancesco, Jim 'I Miss My Mommy" Young and Andy 'Always A Champion' Creager battled head to head proudly, others picked ugly, picked badly and just plain stunk. While Johnnie Dipstick sat proudly in the Top Ten, others looked in the mirror in shame and disgrace. New lows have been hit in this year's Balck's Pigskin Pick'em and these lows cannot be ignored.

As Johnnie Dipstick charged, many didn't. As Johnnie Dipstick scored big, many didn't. And as Johnnie Dipstick floundered down the stretch, many didn't come close to catching him. One person caught and tied Johnnie though, but is that a victory? Not for a true picker. Maybe Coach Clint should have his girls soccer team pick for him next year? Last year, Johnnie beat one person, Todd 'Bottom of the Pack' Chronert, this year he beat fifteen pickers! Where was Dan 'Gruden is my Boyfriend' Stebbins, in past years he has challenged. Jamie 'Opposite Pick' Pardi was stomped by Johnnie. The Balcktress, crushed by Johnnie. Eric 'Da Head' Wallace, never competed. Johnnie has walked away from this years Pickem with a great big smile across his face, partly because he beat fifteen people but mainly because of the Bottom Dwellers, the Ugly Five.

When most people talk about sports, fantasy games and losing, most people think of Sigma Chi. Once again, Andy Pederson and Calvin Gibbs have held true. They each tied for 25th place, only 33 points behind the leader. I only have one question, do you guys have any other Sigma Chi friends who like to make donations........I mean, would like to play next year? Joining them in 25th place, unfortunately is a Balck. After challenging in Pigskin Pick'em II, Catherine Balck faded fast and hard in 1999. After this years showing, The King Picker is not worried about any of his childhood secrets getting out! Finally, a new record has been set in this year's Balck's Pigskin Pickem. Never before has anyone lost to the Pigskin Pickem Champion by 40 points! Mark Perry has set a new low for Balck's Pigskin Pick'em. The Pathetic Picker lost by 40 points, did not break 100, set a new all time low with only 94 correct and only scored above 7 in one week. Utterly ugly, absolutely bad and truely worthy of the title, The Pathetic Picker.

Lastly, to be fair, I am looking for a challenger to Mark in the 2000 season. I feel as though he is in a league of his own, so if any pickers have a 6-9 year old sister who will make her picks every week, please call me. I will let her play next year for free and battle head to head with our Pathetic Picker.

Enjoy the offseason Mark.

 
The Good The Bad $$$ Final Standings

 

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